The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames

Here and I am at the end of me (at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your Promise there will be a dawn


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Though not my words, they scream my thoughts. I love the line "I can't understand why this 
happened". Because I don't. I don't know what's going on. I know what I want, and I know how 
I feel ... but they don't always match ... more often than not. 

There is an air that I don't feel anymore.
A sense that I can't explain. I feel so alive, and so dead at the same time. I can't say why all this
happened. All I can do is look up, and say HELP! I don't feel complete anymore, yet I feel full. 
What is God doing? Or is this not God. Am I so devoid of God that I have created this obstacle 
purely out of the shadows of my own thoughts? Is there even a way to know? I'm standing in a room
with 4700 other people .... and I'm lost. I just stand here. I have felt like my feet are in mud for the
past year. I can't seem to discover "where I belong". Contentment is only something I've dreamed of.
Happiness is only a word. I can't have fun. I feel ... guilty when I have fun. So many emotions cloud
out my ability to enjoy this life I've been given. People wander, dead inside. I've always prided 
myself on being better than them. But I'm not. I'm not better than anyone! JESUS is the ONLY 
perfect being! "Why does God let me walk through this place?" Well, Sarah ... wake up. You're human.
Welcome to reality.